Saturday, August 16, 2003
You laugh because I am different; I laugh because you are all the same
.:Listening: Enya - Wild Child:.
.:Feeling: Amused:.
haha... Now that I have cooled down, I find the incident rather amusing. Addy corrupted me? omg. That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. Nobody can corrupt me.... firstly, I'm already corrupted. >:) Plus, I have a mind of my own.. I don't get influenced by people so easily..... if anything, I think I'm the corruptor of the gang. haha.
I'm so misunderstood. Nobody seems to know who I really am..... heck.. even I don't know who I am or what I want sometimes. What really pisses me off is the fact that people think they really know me. Who are they to judge me? I know I may appear to be very indifferent to a lot of things most of the time... but that doesn't mean I don't care about anything. I have feelings too, you know... But people always forget that, cos I seem to be a tough person. Maybe they'd rather choose not to see that.. cos it would make things easier for them. I don't know.... and I don't really care anymore. .. or rather, I'm trying not to care. What's the point of getting so worked up over every little thing? Everything's gonna come to an end one day anyway.
OK I need to rant about something. Why is tt stupid Monkey sticking to us so much these days? He knows how much I loathe him... can't he just take the hint and get lost? He's always clinging to people, hanging around where he's not wanted. OK, maybe my friends like to have him around. whatever. Never mind... I won't say he's STEALING my friends or anything like that. Friends can't be stolen. I know he doesn't do anything to me now, but that's cos he doesn't have a chance to.. and also cos Jesc warned him! That doesn't mean we should become friends.... would you hang out with someone who killed your parents cos "they ain't doing it anymore.."? I don't think so.
YH just told me I'm vindictive. I guess he's right. Once I start to hate someone, it's hard for me to change my mind. I can forgive, but I can't forget.
 another typical day in the life of yours truly at 09:07 pm
Friday, August 15, 2003
.:Listening: Ludacris - Act A Fool:.
.:Feeling: numb:.
Sigh.
Something terrible happened in school today....... Some of us were pretty upset.... OK... that was an understatement...... I felt like killing some people. Don't think this will ever be resolved. well, who cares.... as long as doesn't mess with my friends again. You mess with my friends, you mess with me. grrrrrr....
Well I'm not gonna let that bitch get to me. She ain't worth the trouble.
Darn.... GP test tomorrow... a test on Saturday.. can you believe it?! :S Addy and Cindy are gonna watch the rugby match after that at YJ... hehehe.... I dunno if I should go.. not really in the mood to ogle at cute guys with them. lmao.
TGIF. I'm kinda tired... and brain dead. guess I'll go now...
nite.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else;you are the one getting burned......
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 11:49 pm
.:Listening: Diana Ross - I Will Survive:.
.:Feeling: fucking sad and pissed:.
bloody hell. Everything is going wrong. Everyone is miserable tonight... why does life have to be like this? My own problems seem so small in comparison to my friends'.... >.<
I've always believed that everyone is nice when you get to know them.. but now I ain't so sure anymore. I thought Imma was nice. How could she do this to him? I hate her now. I hate her I hate her I hate her.
to that bitch: yes, go stew in your hatred. i hope you die soon.
It's a sin to kill a mockingbird. You act like you're so holy, so religious... and now you're "stewing in your hatred"? Is this what you learn in church? You're nothing but a pretentious, pious and vicious asshole.
To Him (You know who you are): I can feel your pain..... but time will heal all your wounds, and I'm sure one day you'll find someone who'll love you for who you are and appreciate you. Patience is always a virtue.
I tried to step into her shoes, I really did. But I can't understand why she said those words. Guess I can't keep to my resolution.....
I couldn't see Mars tonight.
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 01:48 am
Thursday, August 14, 2003
.:Listening: Frank Sinatra - In Other Words:.
.:Feeling: Happy. Thankful:.
omg I just saw Mars!!!! How cool is that? =P It's just a teeny, orange light in the sky, next to the moon, but it's soo beautiful. x ) This won't happen again until the year 2287.... That makes me feel so lucky n special.... hehee. At times like this life seems so wonderful and full of hope. Hope. Something I really need right now.
I can't believe just the sight of that tiny light in the sky can make me so happy... For a moment it felt like the dull ache in my heart had subsided.... but now it's creeping back slowly.... nvm, I know this won't fade so quickly, but at least it Seems to be getting better. I'm gonna look for Mars every night from now on, until it gets too far away for the naked eye to spot. x )
Hmmm.... why did God create the other planets??
Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars
In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me
Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore
In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 12:22 am
Wednesday, August 13, 2003
.:Listening: Karen Mok - Close To You:.
.:Feeling: Excruciating pain:.
Jesc was sent to the hospital just now cos her back was aching really bad and she could barely walk. I felt so scared when I saw them carting her off on the stretcher.. >.< The doc gave her an injection and she actually came back to school to do PW.. sigh.... I need to be more like her.. it seems like don't have a conscience most of the time... I don't feel guilty when I don't do work, and I don't see the need to be so responsible and follow rules.
We were supposed to taks pics of the bball guys in action, but they were
not really cooperative.... anyways, it started to rain so we had to take pics of the soccer team instead.
hehe... told Serene about xx. Feels so good to finally tell someone about it and let it all out. It's really hard to conceal my emotions sometimes.... It was raining cats and dogs after we took the pics, so the 2 of us just sat and talked.... and I told her everything. She was really supportive, even though she's never felt that way about someone before. She stayed back with me even when it stopped raining, cos I didn't feel like going home. I luv ya, Serene!!!! x ) I'm sure one day you'll experience this too... you can be sure I'll be there for ya! Then we could both stalk him. lmao. ;D
I think I should stay back in school to study and do my work.... cos I can't resist the temptation to surf the net and chat whenever I'm home. argh.
Differentiation is fun. lol. :P
Why do birds suddenly appear
everytime you are near?
Just like me, they long to be
close to you
Why do stars fall down from the sky
everytime you walk by
just like me, they long to be
close to you
On the day that you were born
the angels got together
and decided to create a dream come true
so they sprinkled moondust in your hair
a golden starlight in your eyes of blue
That is why
all the girls in town
follow you all around
Just like me
they long to be
close to you
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 09:56 pm
Tuesday, August 12, 2003
Personality Test
Oh man... it's so friggin' true. Freaaakkky.
Results: Dreamer [Submissive Introvert Abstract Feeler]
Like just 11% of the population you are a DREAMER (SIAF)--reserved and imaginative. You are basically the shy, silent type. You don't have much interest in facts and figures or most of what's going on around you, but the internal worlds you build for yourself are rich and complex.
Luckily, your creativity and strong heart mean you have a deep personality evident to anyone who gets to know you. It's just that not many people do, because most everyone thinks you're a loser. Talk to yourself less, other people more, little shaver.
lmao
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 09:40 pm
.:Listening: Linda Ronstadt & James Ingram - Somewhere Out There:.
.:Feeling: Sad:.
Had a horrible day... I know this is just the first of many more stressful days to come.... We had to write an essay for Lit.... as usual I crapped my way through the entire thang... I just hope for a pass.
Was totally crushed when I saw Him... he seemed kinda cold. I dunno. sigh. There was this gnawing pain and sinking feeling in my heart throughout the day...... Didn't manage to shake that feeling off, no matter what I did and how hard I laughed with my friends. I know this is just a small and pathetic problem and I shouldn't let it get to me, but I can't help feeling this way! Argh if only I could just be devoid of tears and feelings. Almost cried when Addy told me about how her pooch died.... damn I get so emotional when I think about animals suffering and dying. :(
on another note, Mrs Lee was a real bitch today. She decided not to teach us cos she said we were not motivated to learn. um.. Hello?! It's Maths! Does she expect us to be all enthusiastic and excited about a bunch of letters and numbers? Anw it's not like we Want to be tired or anything.. :S
han lao shi was so nice... I dozed off during Chinese but she didn't scold me.... she even asked us why we're all so tired. I feel really guilty now about being so talkative duirng her lessons. Shall make an effort to talk less during Chinese from now on. >.<
Listening to "Somewhere Out There" now.... is there really someone out there for me? Anyway I believe there are actually a few million Mr. Rights out there... it only depends on which one I'm lucky enough to meet first...... x )
Somewhere out there
beneath the pale moonlight
someone's thinking of me
and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there
someone's saying a prayer
that we'll find one another
and then meet somewhere out there
and even though I know how very far apart we are
it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
and when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
it helps to think we're sleeping undermeath the same sky
somewhere out there
if love can see us through
then we'll be together
somewhere out there
out where dreams come true
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 08:53 pm
Love hurts... why do you think they call it FALLING anyways?
.:Listening: Robbie Williams - Feel:.
.:Feeling: Disappointed:.
Sigh. Maybe I expect too much. I thought I'd already mastered the art of being pessimistic 24/7 so i don't get crushed so easily.... But sometimes I still find myself hoping, wanting, and waiting desperately.... I'm sick of these rollercoaster rides.
Just did this quiz on Jesc's blog.. I think it describes me perfectly....
"Your life may appear to others as golden, but that is because you hide your problems to them. You know that there are many obstacles in the way, and this may make you pessimistic, but are you have to do is simply just to take the challenges in stride, for at the end of it all, lies a deep satisfaction that will let you know that it was worth it, and it'll make your life truly sweet after that....."
It's all part and parcel of life, I guess.... all these conflicting feelings I have inside. Just a passing phase. But after this stage I'll have other Grown-up kinda problems, like bills and stuff like that. Bleah. life sucks. I have to be strong... and just dread one day at a time... since there's nothing I else I can do.
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that i live in
‘Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
I don’t want to die
But I ain’t keen on living either
Come and hold my hand
I want to contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand
Not sure I understand...
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 12:59 am
Monday, August 11, 2003
Going through the motions
.:Listening: Clay Aiken: This Is The Night:.
.:Feeling: Wiped out:.
arghhhhh...... I'm feeling extremely wiped out..... just feel like collapsing on my bed and sleeping for 2 days straight. My right forearm is kinda sore from playing volleyball too... after several failed attempts at spiking the ball. haha. :-/
Suffered from a bout of PMS again just now.. after PE. I don't know why, PE always puts me in a bad mood.. prolly cause I feel all icky after that and I start itching all over. :S I really need to start meditating or something... I get pissed over the most trivial stuff!! *ohhhmmmmmmmm -_-*
Addy didn't come to school today. Felt kinda weird not to hear her rhythmic "four beats" laughter...lol. I realised I talk and laugh a lot less when she's not around... see.. I'm not the only Blabbermouth. She's the catalyst that triggers the Blabbermouth in me. Addy yeo, if you're reading this... IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP! :P
Larry L. is always picking on me. :S Cindy said it's cos he's amused by me, not cos he hates me. What's so amusing about me?!?! bleah. Anyway I'm pretty sure he really hates me now... cos just now I told him that I wasn't sick on friday.. that I didn't go to school cos I overslept. I dont know what possessed me to tell him the truth. haha. He was disgusted and speechless. Well, he should be glad I didn't lie to him, right? :S
OK.... so far EIGHT people have told me that I look compatible with SX!!!????!!!! Omg... 0_o... i can't believe it. haha. :( not that he's not good enough or anything.. it's just that... He's soooo not my type! aigh. Why can't I look compatible with XX? x(
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you?
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you?
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 09:18 pm
.:Listening: Aslyn - That's When I Love You:.
.:Feeling: Dreamy:.
Sigh...... Been staring into space and pondering over some stuff after visiting the AGN forum.... cos there was this thread about your dream guy/gal..... so naturally, someone like me, who's perpetually lovesick drifted off to dreamland. haha... *continues to dream about Mr. Right.* LOL.
OK... let me describe my dream guy...
Appearance: doesn't have to be too gorgeous, since looks don't last anyway.. but preferably muscular, at least 1.75 m tall, tanned skin, Broad shoulders and nice spiky hair. should look masculine, not too boyish. *swoons* ok ok I'm shallow, I know.... looks don't matter and inner beauty is more important, blah blah... but I can always Dream, right? hehe.
Personality: Must love animals. sweet, sensitive, thoughtful, devoted, generous, mature, Romantic...... Must understand me and accept all my idiosyncrasies. His soft and vulnerable side will be masked by his tough exterior....this side will surface only when he's with me. I love it when bad boys show their soft and vulnerable sides and get all gooey. haha. MUST not have a bad temper. I'm terrified of men with bad tempers, like my dad. When he gets angry it's like he's gonna commit homicide. I don't wanna live in fear... if I have a bf he should make me feel like I'm the safest, happiest person in the world. He should be overprotective to a small extent, so I'll feel like I'm one of the most important things in his life. =) but he can't be too possessive, I'm very independent and I'll need to be on my own every now and then. So he has to be independent too. oh.. and I almost forgot.. he has to have a great sense of humour and crack witty jokes, not lame crap like PCK. Most importantly, we must have Chemistry. I might meet a close to perfect guy, but if there's no chemistry..things won't work out...
We'll get a Jack Russell Terrier together and take him out for long walks every evening...wait a minute.... We can't get a dog together unless we're living together. Darn. Scrap that plan. We'll just go for long walks every night.... during the weekends we'll go to the beach.. just lay out on the sand and chill out. We won't have to converse a lot, cos we'll be able to feel comfortable sitting in complete silence together... and just enjoy each other's company. On rainy days we'll snuggle together on the couch and watch TV together... then I'll fall asleep in his arms while we listen to our favourite songs...
we'll go for a holiday together... somewhere sunny and tranquil... like a resort on some island....... then he'll propose to me. He'll place candles and a zillion red rose petals all over the room, and there'll be a huge teddy bear on the bed, with the ring tucked in the crook of its arm. The ring will be very simple, just a white gold band set with small diamonds. Nothing too extravagant. Of course, I'll accept.. then we'll run off to the nearest church and get married right away. I like spontaneity. ;) After the ceremony we'll go on our honeymoon in Europe. We'll tour Europe for a couple of months. Then we'll migrate to the US of A..... and live happily ever after.
The end.
LOL.... what a nice dream. I realise I'll need a hell lot of money to make that come true. hahahaha.... I doubt I'll ever find a guy like that.... I don't even think I'm gonna get married... but it's always nice to dream once in a while. I believe the key to happiness is to have Dreams.
hhahaa.. It's 1.27 am now.... that was one hour of dreaming. I'm off to bed now... hope I'll dream in my sleep. G'nite.
another typical day in the life of yours truly at 02:28 am
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oops!
--current favourites--
music
Alicia Keys - Karma
Alicia Keys - You Don't Know My Name
Cats OST - Memory
Phantom Of The Opera - Music Of The Night
Phantom Of The Opera - Think Of Me
Little Mermaid OST - Part Of Your World
Sarah Brightman & Andrea Bocelli - Time To Say goodbye
Sarah Brightman & Michael Crawford - All I Ask Of You
Madonna - Frozen
Les Miserables - On My Own
Les Miserables - I Dreamed A Dream
Evanescence - My Immortal
Britney feat. Madonna - Me Against The Music
Britney - Breathe On Me
Jay Chou - Gui Ji
Love 2000 OST - Forbidden Love (Instrumental)
Pink - Trouble
Pink - God Is A DJ
movies
The Italian Job
Underworld
Pirates Of The Caribbean
Moulin Rouge
Phonebooth
Legally Blonde 1 & 2
Infernal Affairs 1 & 2
Matchstick Men
Matrix
LOTR
Harry Potter
Le Divorce
Brother Bear
X-Men 1 & 2
E-D-I-S-O-N
*dies*
K-E-A-N-U
eye candy
Keanu Reeves. Orlando Bloom. Colin Farrell. Paul Walker. Keira Knightley. Christina Aguilera. Josh Hartnett. Viggo Mortenson. Devon Aoki. Maggie Q. Cameron Diaz. Reese Witherspoon. Lucy Liu. Elva Hsiao. James Marsters. James Marsden. Jennifer Aniston. The Rock. Tara Reid. Ayumi Hamasaki. J.Lo. Ashton Kutcher. Sarah Michelle Gellar. Utt. Louis koo. Edison Chen. Daniel Wu. Shawn Yue. Keira Knightley
music to my ears
Christina Aguilera. No Doubt. Alicia Keys. Elva Hsiao. Coldplay. Amy Studt. Avril Lavigne. sugababes. Mandy Moore. linkin park. pink. Evanescence. Celine Dion. Enya. Eminem. J.Lo. Tori Amos.Karen Mok. Jay Chou. Stef Sun. Missy Elliot. Ayumi Hamasaki. Kitaro. Savage Garden. David Tao. Madonna. Nelly Furtado. Beyonce. Enrique Iglesias. Sarah Brightman. Kylie Minogue. Aerosmith. Bon Jovi.
wishlist
shoes
clothes
good grades
memory upgrade for comp
digicam
wisdom
peace
happiness
love
I'm the one who has to die when it is time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to..
There's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me.....
Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter, or cynical about love, but rather makes me realise that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person, how beautiful it will be, when the right one comes along.
hope sees the invisible, feels the intangible, and achieves the impossible..
I want everything but nothing makes me happy..
Life is unpredictable; might 2 parallel lines one day meet?
"I never felt a pain that was not pleasure; but now it is all pain when I think you will not return." - Melmoth The Wanderer
a million stars, a million dreams, but he's the only star I see, and the only dream I dream..
Happiness is worth waiting for.....
 -please click-
Christina Aguilera - The Voice Within
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Young girl it's alright
Your tears will dry you''ll soon be free to fly
when you're safe inside your room you tend to dream
of a place where nothing's harder than it seems
No one ever wants or bothers to explain
Of the heartache life can bring
and what it means
When there's no one else
look inside yourself
like your oldest friend just trust the voice within
then you'll find the strength
that will guide your way
you'll learn to begin to trust the voice within
young girl don't hide
you'll never change if you just run away
young girl just hold tight
soon you're gonna see a brighter day
Now in a world where innocence is quickly claimed
It's so hard to stand your ground when you're so afraid
No one reaches out a hand for you to hold
When you're lost outside look inside to your soul
Life is a journey
It can take you anywhere you choose to go
As long as you're learning
You'll find all you'll ever need to know
You'll make it
You'll make it
Just don't go forsaking yourself
No one can stop you
You know that I'm talking to you
Young girl don't cry
I'll be right here when your world starts to fall
Les Miserables - On My Own
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn no one to go to
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
and now the night is here
now I can make believe he's here...
sometimes I walk alone at night when everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy with the company I'm keeping..
The city goes to bed..
and I can live inside my head..
on my own.... pretending he's beside me
all alone.. I walk with him 'til morning
without him.. I feel his arms around me..
and when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me..
in the rain.. the pavement shines like silver..
all the lights are misty in the river
in the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
and all I see is him and me forever and ever
and I know
it's only in my mind
that I'm talking to myself and not to him
and although I know that he is blind
still I say
there's a way for us
I love him
but when the night is over
he is gone
the river's just the river
without him the world around me changes
the trees are barren everywhere
the streets are full of strangers
I love him
but everyday I'm learning
all my life
I've only been pretending
without me his world will go on turning
a world that's full of happiness
that I have never known
I love him
I love him
but only on my own....
Leann Rimes - Soon
soon baby, I will cry my last tear
soon, yeah, I will be over you
soon darling, all these tears won't be here
soon, yeah you know that I will be over you
soon...
one night, baby, you won't be in my dreams
one night, yeah.. I'll finally make it through
one night darling, I won't call out your name
I won't be in this place
I will be over you..
soon..
soon as the mountains turn to rivers
soon as the sea turns into sand
soon as the sun comes up at midnight
that's how soon
soon all the hurt will end
until then I'll just pretend
Soon it will be over
Soon Yeah
I Keep telling myself Ill be over you
Someday Soon
I'll be over you soon.....
Cats - Memory
Midnight. Not a sound from the pavement
has the moon lost her memory?
she is smiling alone
in the lamplight
the withered leaves collect at my feet
and the wind begins to moan
Memory. All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days,
I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was,
Let the memory live again.
Every street lamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning.
Someone mutters and a street lamp gutters
and soon it will be morning.
Daylight. I must wait for the sunrise,
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in.
When the dawn comes tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin.
Burnt out ends of smoky days
the stale cold smell of morning.
The street lamp dies,
another night is over, another day is dawning.
Touch me. It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun.
If you touch me you'll understand what happiness is.
Look, a new day has begun.
Phantom Of The Opera - Think Of MeThink of me, think of me fondly
when we've said good-bye!
Remember me once in a while
please, promise me you'll try!
When you find that once again
you long to take your heart back and be free...
If you ever find a moment
spare a thought for me
Think of me!
Think of me waking, silent and resigned!
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind!
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do!
There will never be a day when I won't think of you
Amy Studt - A New Day Breaks
Stumbling along down these streets again
I can't help myself
My pockets are light and so is my head
the lights grow unbearably bright
So wake up you stary skies
and dance for me again
I'll dry my eyes and
Hopefully when a new day breaks
I can find the strength to start again
and the clouds will clear
and the hurt will mend
and i'll find my way back home
all alone, all alone
once again
In life there are things you can't control
I guess it must be fate
but time is on no ones side
it must be too late
because when you think you're high
and above the rest of the world
the bridge beneath you will fall
I found that in my heart
theres a place that they can't find
A place that they can't stop
and so i'll say
Hopefully when a new day breaks
I can find the strength to start again
and the clouds will clear
and the hurt will mend
and i'll find my way back home
all alone, all alone
once again
Songs are made from fantasy
and thoughts they make
where dreams become reality
its all fake
cause when you think you're down
and below the rest of the world
the flowers around you will grow
You'll find that in my heart
theres a place that they can't find
A place that they can't stop
and so i'll say
Hopefully when a new day breaks
I can find the strength to start again
and the clouds will clear
and the hurt will mend
and i'll find my way back home
all alone, all alone
once again
Wake up you stary skies
and dance for me again
I'll dry my eyes
I'll dry my eyes
dry my eyes
I'll dry my eyes...
Contact Me
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